How do we know what to overlook?

The art of being wise

photo credit: Inja Pavlic on Unsplash (cropped)

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” William James

Would you be surprised to know that our wee trip up north to celebrate our wedding anniversary including visiting several bookshops? I didn’t think so.

We visited a favourite bookshop in Alnwick, Barter’s Books, one of the UK’s largest second-hand bookshops situated in the old Alnwick railway station. The building and the original waiting rooms, buffet etc has been lovingly preserved and houses a fabulous cafe as well as thousands of books.

We also found an interesting new (to us) bookshop, The Accidental Bookshop, which only sells new books. The quote by William James, above, comes from a book we bought here called Meditations for Mortals; Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts by Oliver Burkeman.

When it comes to browsing bookshops I think the art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook (for today) and what to pop on the purchase pile. Because, if you are anything like me, the potential purchase pile starts out rather large and has to be whittled down to what is really essential in this moment. I already have more than enough books to read in this lifetime.

And that is Burkeman’s point in his latest book. His premise is that we all have a finiteness and non-negotiable limitations, which means that we simply can’t do everything that we want to - so how do we decide what really counts and what we can let go of.

He uses William James’ quote to open the chapter on ‘staying sane when the world is a mess’, because you can’t care about everything - at least not all at once. I was thinking about that as I was adding ‘clean inside bedroom and kitchen windows’ to my to-do list, while also pondering the now rapidly growing weeds in the garden that need attending to before they take over, and should I be paying more attention to what is happening to my pension fund in the current volatile stock market, and when I can fit in the replays of the free online summit I signed up to, plus the replays of the coaching sessions of my Human Design studies - and read the books I just bought on this trip, not to mention the ones that are spilling off my bookshelf. And.. and.. and..

While our spirit might be limitless, the body only has so much capacity. Something will have to be overlooked - or prioritised for another day - the question is what? One of the things I am definitely overlooking right now is the ‘news’. I am aware of what’s going on in the world, but I don’t have the capacity to add the energy of that anxiety, disbelief or discombobulation to my to-do or to-be list right now. And I refuse to be knocked off track from bringing my all to my ladies on their Moving Mountains Journey, which we are in the thick of.

It’s timely, maybe, that our focus for this week is simplicity and reconnecting with our core values by creating a metaphorical rock garden. I’ve given them a meditation that takes them into a garden, a specific part of the garden where there are rocks strewn everywhere and there is a space where the rock garden will be built. In the meditation they choose which rocks are the most important to build the foundation, and then each layer of the rock garden. They select, name and label their rocks based on what truly matters and is most important to them - their core values.

If you feel inclined to do a bit of reflection on what truly matters to you and what can help you make the decision on what to include in your day and what to overlook, you could start with these questions:

What truly matters to me? What do I truly need?
What is important to me about those things/people/activities that truly matter?
And for each word or phrase that you’ve scribbled down: Why is that important?
And then for each ‘why’: And what is important to me about that?

Then look with soft eyes at everything you’ve written down and see what jumps out at you. Note what you feel in your body and where you feel it. Which words and phrases evoke the greatest feeling of expansion and bliss, and maybe excitement or a sense of peace? These will be your core values.

So, what do you need to bring into your day and what do you need to overlook? How can you live each day from your wise self, honouring your core values and what truly matters to you, while also being mindful of your physical capacity?

You could find some pebbles, write your key words on them and create a small rock garden of your own to remind you. Or you could draw a flower garden, as I did here, on paper or in your journal. Or you could just stick a post-it note on the fridge.

We can’t control what is going on in the world, but we can control what goes on in our world. And I do believe that if we follow our core values, and live from our wisest self, then we disperse ripples of influence and impact even if we never know exactly who or what received them.

Until next time… with love

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The Bones Tribe is a monthly sacred circle to dig deeper and share thoughts, insights and experiences. We have had some great discussions so far, and we have occasional guests to spice up our conversations. Our next gathering is Monday 28th April (because our usual 3rd Monday of the month falls on Easter Monday). Our topic for April will be the dreams that we are planting and nurturing.

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